Haiti...

I am going to Haiti....sounds like I am a great man and am helping the poor and needy in many ways. The truth is that while I am doing that and even paying a lot of money to do it, the blessing is all mine. When you think about it doing things for others isn't really for them. The feeling you get is a gift from God himself. I enjoy the pressure before I go of having to get things done. I enjoy the nightly meetings of trying to figure out how to make the next day better. It is truly the best place to be. 8 days isn't enough. I believe if the only thing you have done is love your family and friends than you have not loved enough or you don't have enough friends.......the world needs you. Jerry

A quote ...

You know kid, I know how
 you feel about this fight thats comin up. Cause I was young
 once, too. And Ill tell you somethin. Well, if you wasnt here I
 probably wouldnt be alive today. The fact that youre here and
 doin as well as youre doin gives me-what do you call
 it-motivization? Huh? To stay alive, cause I think that people die
 sometimes when they dont wanna live no more.
And nature is smarter than people think. Little
 by little we lose our friends, we lose everything. We keep losin
 and losin till we say you know, Oh what the hell am I livin
 around here for? I got not reason to go on. But with you kid, boy,
 I got a reason to go on. And Im gonna stay alive and I will watch
 you make good...

Prom...

When I was a senior in high school I remember wanting to go to prom. I don't remember why it was so important other than it was part of the American high school experience and I didn't want to miss it. Very early in January I decided to think through who I would ask. Of course I ran through a dozen girls in my mind. Of course I thought about this person or that person probably based on little crushes I had or basically who was really pretty. After weeks of thinking about it I realized that none of them really would be either fun or would say yes to me. I wanted it to be really fun and not just a moment where I was trying to make some kind of date connection. Most of my friends were not dating either and really just wanted to go to be a part of it too. I also remember that I had weighed about 225 lbs and had really let myself go. This was my senior year and I wanted to end it right. Many things didn't go the way I had thought they would throughout my highschool days. My father made me quit football and baseball because my grades were not at the level of my sisters ( top ten student) and I felt out of place as just a student. So when I finally decided to ask someone I decided to ask a friend from another city who I was friends with through church functions. She was a pastors daughter who was very nice and friendly. I knew we would have a great time and even driving the two hrs back and forth would be fun. I asked kind of early so I would have time to prepare and really make it something worth remembering. Even better was the fact that she wasn't dating anyone and just in case, just in case we hit it off, I was thinking I would ask her to be a gf in the future. Was this a case of being in love with the idea of being in love? Yes of course. I think high school kids go through this alot though. So there I was sitting by the phone with a phone number from a letter she had written me a while back. I stared at it and ran through the conversation in my head. I must have thought about that conversation a hundred times. I finally mustered the guts to call. For all the ladies out there, when a guy calls its never as cool as he made it sound. If he has any real interest in you, he had to calm himself down, at least a little. If this didn't exist, then you were just one of many he already was talking to. So when I called and she answered I made small talk for a while and asked how her family was and how school was. Then the subject came. "Will you be going to prom this year?" She answered, " yes." Inside my mind I was disappointed. Was I too late? Impossible as it was still early March. Then she told me that she was planning on going with a bunch of her girlfriends stag. "Oh !!!!" I said. "Would you like to go to my prom as friends?" "Sure!" was the answer. Yeeeehaw! was in my mind and soul. "Keep cool Jerry!", I said to myself. "Ok then I'll call you in a couple weeks as the time gets closer". We talked for a bit more than we were done. I was stoked. My senior year will end the way I wanted it too. Over the next several weeks I ran and lifted every day. No really, every single day. I even started to eat trail mix and drink gallons of water. Getting in shape became my obsession. During this time I even developed an eating disorder. I remember having a hamburger at McDonald's and vomitting because it wouldn't go down. This was a bit extreme. But it was exciting and I was ready for changes.
About two weeks before the prom, I called to see if everything was good and to ask how her prom went. She told me it was fun and she was excited to come to mine too. I was ready too. I carefully prepared everything for that night. The tux was ready. The dinner plan was ready. Even the carriage ride was ready. Nothing was gonna stop us. It was gonna be a great night. I told her I would call her a couple days before the prom to arrange exact times of pickup and get directions to her house. Done. The next week went by so slow. I couldn't wait. About three days before the prom I called again. NO answer. ?????? I called the next day a couple times. No answer. A couple days before the prom and I was freaking out. Then I got a call from her mom. This was odd. Her mom told me that she was in the hospital having surgery. SURGERY?
She told me that her daughter had some pain in her lower abdomen and that she went to the ER. Then after some x rays the doctors had discovered a tumor just over her ovaries. OMG I thought. I couldn't believe it. How awful I felt that I was impatient and frustrated at my phone calls. Everything that was planned meant nothing. The prom now meant very little. After the surgery I was able to talk to her and she was sad and sounded scared. I told her not to feel bad about the prom as it was not important at all. Prayer was not a big part of my life at that point but it became the only thing I could do. I remember running to my basement to be alone and pray. Pray for her to be ok. Pray for her to be alive. Just keep praying Jerry. I told a very good friend who was also a pastor's daughter what had happened. This girl was like a sister as her brother was my best friend at the time. She volunteered to go as she still had her prom dress from a week ago. I called her in the hospital and told her that I was going still but that I would keep all the memorabilia for her. She was happy that I could still go. After the prom I came back to her hospital room and gave her all the things given in the prom. A wine glass with stuff written on it, the table card and other things as well. Over the next couple weeks I visited several times. She recovered well but had to go through Chemo. Over the next year as we were both freshman in college, we kept in touch. I was here in Indy and she was a freshman at Purdue. She bravely went through that year while going through Chemo. That must have been so tough. Over the years I lost contact with her. Every now and then I heard that she was doing well. I even ran into her parents once. She was one of the nicest people I had ever met. The other girl who went to the dance with me remained close to me all these years. Sometimes when I feel like life cut me a bad deal because of my current illnesses, all I have to really do is think about all the great people I've had in my life. How all of them taught me things in life. I honestly could die tomorrow and feel I've had a great life. Lucky I am still here to talk about it. It does seem like alot for people to go through at such a young age. But it did prepare me for when my Father was ill and when my Mom got cancer later. I cherish moments like this. Even bad or stressful moments in life have great hidden rewards. If nothing else it at least makes you thankful for every day you are here. God thank you for every day. Every single day whether I make the most of it or not, thank you anyway.........JJ

the fight at the pool

When I was 10 my pastors son invited my brother and I to his apartment to go swimming. It was already late in the afternoon but it was really hot. So we went even though there was only an hour left before closing time. As we were swimming and playing in the water, a couple of neighborhood kids came to say hi to Sonki(pastor's son). One of them for some reason did not like my brother. Some words were exchanged and there was some ill feelings. So this kid decided to slap my brothers face as Euge was standing inside the pool near the edge. After slapping Euge the kid tried to run as Euge instantly tried to splash him with water as the kid was dressed in street clothes. The kid slipped and fell in the pool and we all laughed hysterically as he climbed out of the pool. We thought this was the end of it. It was not. The kid was now really pissed. So mad that he now waited outside the pool area to fight my brother. Since we were from a GOOD neighborhood and this was a rough neighborhood we all were a little nervous. Would he get his friends to help? How many would there be? Did my brother have to fight? Sometimes you have to. That is the way it was in 1980. When we came out to the parking lot they were ALL there. A large group of black and white kids had gathered to see this fight. My brother looked morbid. He was not happy and he was in fact scared. I was scared for him. We asked Sonki if the friends of this kid were going to help. He assured us that none of them would jump in. Whew! At least it would be fair. Euge tried to argue his way out of it. But that sparked the kid even more. Now he was even more determined as he smelled the fear in Euge's heart. There was no way out. Euge told him he didn't want to fight. The kid said ," you should have thought of that before you laughed at me!" Euge said," We all laughed at you, not just me!". The kid did not care and wanted to fight him and only him. Euge turned to me almost shaking. Nervous and scared. Unwilling and hesitant. It was time. He slowly took off the glasses that my father and bought for him. Some hideous brown plastic glasses that were definitely the cheapest ones in the store. As he slowly handed them to me, Euge said these words," Here Jerry, Hhhold my glasses..." As he handed me the glasses he curled his lips inside his mouth. I know this look as he did this everytime WE fought each other. I was surprised at the change of emotion. All of a sudden he had a look of determination if ever any existed. His eyes changed from fear to intensity. From hazy to concentration. He slowly turned around and fired. He threw the first punch. The second ...the third....and kept going. The kid started punching too but just because he had to do something. But it was too much. Sure Euge took some blows. But his determination never ceased. One after the other he threw. Connecting and reconnecting. Fast and faster. The kid finally had enough. He was now wearing the fear on his face as he gave up and turned around and ran. My eyes watered as I could not hold back my pride. Every time, every single time I tell this story..I tear up. Many times in my life I didn't show respect or even love for my brother. Many times I have. This moment was one I will never forget. It plays in my head like it just happened. The day my brother took on his fears head on and through determination and relentlessness...he won. Man....I was one proud little brother. Many times in his life he showed the same courage and relentlessness. A warrior within his mind. Back him into a corner ...he will come out swinging...even if he didn't want to. We had some childhood. .....JJ

The Bully

When I was around 8 yrs old I broke my arm. I fell from high up on a tree and cracked my wrist. It was the worst pain I had ever felt at the time. I remember the doctor stretching my arm out of the bent position that it was stuck at. He proceeded to put on a plaster cast on it. Now days that put some other kind of cast. Now they put on some kind of mesh material thing that basically does the same thing. The difference is that it isn't as fun to sign and I don't think it is quite as strong or hard as the plaster one was.
One Saturday morning, my brother and I went outside to where all the kids from the neighborhood were playing. For some reason there was a solemn look on our neighbors face. He explained that a kid from the other street was going to come and fight him. The kid was older than all of us, and back then that automatically meant that he was much bigger, stronger, and meaner too. I don't remember the reason why he wanted to come over there but I do remember the fear in the air from all of us younger kids. My brother decided then that he would help Hugh, our neighbor and that they would work together to defeat Goliath. They would circle around him and attack from different angles to defeat him.
Just like that Goliath was there. He seemed to be 8 ft tall although he was probably much smaller. It was on. I with my plaster cast broken arm just watched. Some wrestling and shoving started and the fight was underway. Anytime my brother or Hugh would attack, Goliath attacked harder. He was much bigger and determined to defeat the two younger kids. Although there wasn't much more than a couple small body slams or punches in the stomach or chest, it seemed like our street kids were going to lose. I didn't enjoy watching my brother get hurt. Hugh's little brother who was all of 7, but a tough little kid, joined. Again I just stood and watched. Now Goliath was giving a beating to three kids. My best friend, Heath, his brother Hugh and my own brother. I had to get in there. I had no choice. So I did. Now all four of us were surrounding him. Telling him to leave our street. He would not leave. We tried hard to intimidate him but it didn't work. He was going to take us all on. Now my brother and Hugh decided to attack at the same time. Goliath's back was to me as he fought my brother and Hugh. I couldn't really tell who was winning but I was sure it was my time to act. I felt the heaviness and hardness of my cast. That's it! It hit me like a bolt of lightning. Just then I came in like a Zepplin from the sky. CRACK! I hit Goliath in the back with all a force that an 8 yr old could muster. It hurt him. Big time! The cast was heavy and strong. It gave me a weapon of mass destruction. It was a force. He turned to me with a cry of pain and now focused on me. Terror struck me. I was scared as he made his way towards me to give me payback. I backed up and could not run. Embracing myself to take a blow I almost closed my eyes. Just then, both my brother and Hugh attacked again. Making sure he wouldn't get attacked from behind again he turned quickly to fight them again. They came in and attacked. This took his eyes off me again. This time I put my arm in front of me and charged. I ran full force and again, WHAM! Into the middle of his back again. Another wince of pain on his face. This time he yelled at me. "I am gonna break your other arm!" Once again he turned to me, once again my brother and Hugh attacked, once again he turned back, once again I charged. Once again Tag! Goliath was done. This wasn't worth it anymore. He cussed a little and took off. Took off running. Like a bunch of cheerleaders we were jumping up and down. We won. Although I felt like a hero that day, it was truly truly a joint effort. If they didn't help, he really might have broke my other arm. Its almost scary sometimes when we think about how circumstances seemed to perfectly come together. Maybe that's the way things were supposed to be. I thank God.

Can you hear Him calling?

Can you hear him calling?
Did he ask you stand not sit?
Did he ask you to run not walk?
Did you close your ears to the sound of His voice?
Did he ask you to be extraordinary and not ordinary?
Did he ask you to change what you think is realistic?
Did he ask you to do better? Not be content with the effort you gave.
Will you try harder?
Did he ask you to think of others? Not just your family and friends, but strangers and enemies.
Maybe he is calling you now. Pick up the phone of your soul. Pick it up.

I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars and night
I will make the darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.

I the Lord of snow and rain
I have borne my people's pain
I have wept for love of them
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone
Fill their hearts with love alone
I will speak my word to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.

Danielle O'Donnell

The RIde

It was 1984. I was thirteen yrs old and my brother was turning fifteen soon. We lived in a little one story house on the northeast side of Indy. I remember it being the beginning of summer but I am not quite sure. Since there was no such thing as a cell phone any and all fun things needed to be planned ahead. This includes things normally done spontaneously. Around nine oclock on some friday in some part of the summer, five kids all between the age of thirteen and fifteen started calling each other on the phone. The plan was for Henry to pick us up sometime after 10 pm. Henry was fourteen. He was the rebel of our Korean church. The one who was willing to try anything and knew no limits. I am sure if you think about it you know someone like that. But Henry was also one of the best friends anyone can ask for. So what he planned was to steal his father's customized van for a joyride. This van was cool as it had cabinets, a couch, a table and other things we just don't see anymore. The closest thing that resembles it is an RV. So my brother and I patiently waited for a van to park outside our house. Finally around midnight, it came. Henry turned off his lights waited outside. Now the front door was too close to my parents room. The windows although in the front were too difficult to open because of the way my Dad painted them. My brother suggested we go through the garage. Our garage did not have a door that led outside. What we did was open the garage door itself but stopped it at about a foot and a half. Then we rolled outside. When we got into the van we saw all our church crew. Five of us were ready to hit the town. At least as much as a group of Korean early teens could in the mid 80's. Jamming to the radio, listening to Def Leppard or the Thomson Twins, we were off. We drove everywhere and loved every minute of it. At one point we argued which way we would go and someone yelled "turn left " to our driver. Right then he ran over a median and scared us all to death as we bounced up and down in the back of the van. When we drove a little outside of the Indy area, we hit some long country roads. Henry decided he was going to test the limits of the van. He pushed that poor van all the way to 95 miles per hour. Once again this is in the mid 80's. Cars weren't pushed like this. Henry pushed. All night long we drove around. We were free. Free from our parents telling us what to do all the time. Free from a teacher or any authority. A taste of absolute freedom. If you were waiting for a lesson in this story about how we were humbled and learned that freedom came at a price, sorry. It didn't happen. We had a blast. Henry brought us back at 4am. We rolled back under the garage door. Closed it. Tiptoed back to our room. Slept with a smile. Life went on. We all grew up and truthfully none of us really see much of each other anymore. That's life. But that night, we were free. We were together. We had fun. The excitement of not knowing what will happen can be quite the rush. Now its just quite a memory.