My first Mission

In 2003 I went on my first short term medical mission. I was invited by Dr. Cho even though I was not a regular member of our church. My father was an elder there but not active because he was paralyzed from complications after a surgery. I struggled with the idea every day because I was not sure where I stood as a Christian or with God. I truly only prayed when I really needed something and then would sink back into the life I lived. I remember ditching almost all of the training sessions as they made me uncomfortable mostly because of my faithlessness and second because I was not comfortable with the meetings being in Korean. I decided about two months prior to the mission that I was not going to do this alone. So, I decided to ask a bunch of young Korean guys that I worked out with to join me. This group consisted of about five kids who were all kind of feeling there way around the world in terms of their future and who they were. The funniest thing was that the one I least expected to want to go volunteered while the others all declined. I sat and wondered for several days just before the mission why he wanted to go. In the end I was happy because I wouldn't have to do this alone.
The first days were easy and required nothing from me. I closed my eyes and prayed with everyone else sometimes daydreaming about other things. Just going with the flow. It was a vacation to me. Then somewhere in the third day a great challenge was issued to me. Large groups of people started coming to the makeshift medical center that we made out of a hot hot hot room in the slums of Chihuahua Mexico. My job was to show them the gospel in Spanish and try to evangelize. Simple. NOT. Aside from being lousy in Spanish, how could I bring anyone to God when I wasn't really even there. Anxiety followed then out right fear. I couldn't do it. I sat and watched this high school kid do it several times. Tears flowed from the Mexican people she saved. Now it was worse. I tried to do it but barely got through half of my reading. I had to get out. I looked around and saw that everyone was busy doing something. Organizing medicine, helping patients, praying, and evangelizing kept everyone busy. I slipped out the front door and made my way to a convenient store. I hid there for hours drinking gatorade. It was hot outside. Even though I felt ashamed I could not push myself to go back. I could feel inside God tugging at me to go and bravely stand up for his Son and proclaim the good news. Not me...drank another gatorade. Hiding.........to be continued...